tristan riley

My grandmother, Gran, Phyllis Murphy passed away aged 96 on thursday night, in Takaka hospital, and was cremated today in Nelson. What an amazing life! Born in Scotland, raised on a dairy farm in the Waikato, lighthouse keeper’s wife, smoker and then Mintie-chewer, knitter of blankets, owner of Rosie the disgusting dog, Gran always had a twinkle in her eye.

Wearing her blue woolen cardigan and slippers, she cooked mince for my mince on toast in triangular aluminium pots that fit together on the element. She would eat butter-and-garlic sandwiches, give bone-crushing hugs, dance a jig and kick up her heels. Favorite song: Kenny Rogers “The Gambler”. Gran always wanted me to”get settled” but still thought it was good to “try before you buy”.

One of the amazing experiences of my life was Gran’s funeral. Forget about undertakers, burial or embalming. Its possible to have a funeral that your family can do themselves. Thanks to my family for their care- from putting Gran in the eco-coffin, then driving her to Nelson in the back of the family car, to having her in state at my brothers house. Much more intimate and involved than a suited undertaker taking doing it all. Well done Mum for staying in the hospital, by Grans side, for 5 days and nights after she was struck down in mid-Bingo by a stroke.

Well, not quite mid-bingo, she was sitting in her chair at the time. But those were the kind of irreverent jokes we could make (like “Here Gran, hold the camera for us”), knowing that Gran didn’t stand on ceremony, never wanted to make a fuss, and loved a good laugh.

Im glad I saw her two weeks ago. She walked me out to the car, sun shining on her white hair, that tight hug. She kept waving as we drove off then slowly walked back in. Good on you Gran!